I wanted to share this with you, so I translated a text from the swedish writer Sebastian Avindell Because I think it was a really fun text (and true too).
It’s on again! We – the Crossfitters – have been waiting for this moment almost a year and now it hit us like a snowball in the face. The Crossfit Open! This mythical monster. This online competition that transforms almost half a million people into shadows of their former selves. From tattooed beasts, like gladiators, smashing workout after workout, we suddenly switched to something that most resembles save young children.
We doubt our all abilities to perform well and we feel dejected over every workout that announces in the Open, no matter what it is. Because we feel “we are not that good at that particular movement”. Yes, it is certainly not easy to be a crossfitter in these times. But we are probably not the ones who suffer the most. No, Open strikes harder against them around us. Our relatives. Boy and girlfriends. Partners or close friends. Because they are the ones forced to live with a competing crossfitter for at least five weeks.
This text is to make others understand how it is to be a relative to someone who competes in Crossfit Open. It certainly isn’t easy.
Count on five weeks mental absence
If you’re a relative to a crossfitter and you have some big decisions to make during Open, my suggestions is: wait until the misery is over or b: make the decisions on your own. Because, the crossfitter you are related to will be mentally disconnected from the real world. He is more likely to sit and twist and turn his phone and quietly muddle for himself about Castro’s “clues” on Instagram for the next workout. “It’s a stick, so I think we’ll probably be climbing trees. And there’s a berry that looks like a kettlebell. I think it will be rock climbing and kettlebell swings!”
You may as well give up trying to connect with your crossfitter because all his mental cognitive space is occupied for five weeks with strategies and anxiety mixed with impotence. You’re on your own!
Be prepared for a lot of whining
Unfortunately, you will live with the equivalent of an adult child for a few weeks to come. Your crossfitter will not be able to sleep at night, especially not the night between Thursday and Friday when Crossfit Inc. releases the next Open workout, but they won’t sleep good other nights either. They will bring you talks about supposed best strategy for what’s going to happen, or upset whining about why it had to be just toes to bar in the first workout. Get used to the words “Damn Dave Castro” and “Fuck this shit!”
You will also hear, in time and time, how tiering crossfit is. How broken the body feels and where it hurts the most. Particularly the hands will be a hot conversation topic. It’s simply going to be a bit like hanging out with a guy who suffered a man cold for five weeks. Long deep breaths is recommended!
Prepare for binge eating
Crossfiters will eat a targeted diet 90% of the year. They will live on shredded meat, leafy vegetables and they drink spring water. Around the Open this changes. Perhaps it is to minimize the anxiety around the competition? Suddenly you get a half a mile long shopping lists containing things you hardly remembered existed. Ben & Jerry’s, chips, donuts, Cola, biscuits and Ben & Jerry’s again. Your crossfitter will then defend its binge eating with a mouth full of ice cream and chips, claiming “It’s Open! I have to eat more than usual!” You will get nothing for giving good advice like “Your body may need “good food” when performing at it’s best”. The crossfitter will not hear what you say. Crunches from all candy will drown out all good arguments.
At the beginning of the Open, your crossfitter will be pumped like a sugar high child after a birthday party. But, as the weeks pass, this will change. Optimism and curiosity will be replaced with anger and enlightenment. Around the last of the Open announcements, your crosfitter will rapidly pack his workout bag and say things like “It will be so damn nice when this is done!” and “I’ll never do this again! Never!”
This behaviour means two things.
1: The season is over and you will soon get your boyfriend / girlfriend / mate / partner back.
2: The person concerned will most likely to 98% compete in the Open even next year.
Therefore all dear relatives, I know you have a hard time in front of you. I can simply only comfort you with saying, you’ll soon get your gladiators back just as they were before. They are only temporarily angered by the stress Open brings. They are not about to get sick or crazy. They are simply just crossfit victims. Hold on! It’s soon over!